femme fatale /narcissistic drama queen/

Sometimes you have to let things go. Even if you don’t want to.

You have to look at and ask youself, “How important is this to me?” “How much work do I really want to invest in it in order to salvage it?” “How did it serve me?” “Will it serve me well in the future or just be hanging around as some kind of reminder?” and the last question “Is it reallly worth keeping?”

I’m referring to my favorite suede jacket that I’ve had since my senior year in high school. It still fits although I haven’t worn it since high school because it’s not really who I am anymore. But I like it.

Today as I was cleaning out my closets in preparation for my move I came across the jacket and it’s all moldy. I am so bummed. That jacket was a gift from a guy who was really into me and he was really hot. He was my rock star. But back then all I cared about was partying and although he was the guy all the other girls wanted and I had him I didn’t feel the passion I needed to feel in order to be with him. So I let him go. But I kept the jacket. It was kind of a reminder that I was the girl that got away and besides it’s pretty bad ass.

There’s a lot attached to that jacket. I think the mold growing on it is the Universe’s way of saying, “It’s time to let go and move on.”

It’s just another aspect of myself tossed aside.

I’m sad but it’s just a jacket and I can buy myself another one.I’m not investing the time, effort and energy it will take in order to clean it when more than likely in the end it will remain in my closet. It’s just not that important to me anymore.

Sometime you have to let things go.

Even if they once held meaning for you.

I want someone to be excited about again.

Life is draining right now. Dad’s in nursing home. It’s so physically and emotionally draining.

My life is not my own. I was just getting it back when this vicious cycle started.

I hate it.

I want a diversion. I need a diversion.

I just want to get lost in someone.

I want someone to be excited about again.

There are many reasons why I don’t write anymore.

The saddest reason is that I have no inspiration.

My perspective of the world is always viewed as being dramatic. Being a creative person, I am dramatic. Not overly so, but some. It’s the only way I can write.

Like my earlier writings, they’re real experiences brought to life with the written word. From my dramatic perspective. I miss that.

My other reasons aren’t important.

For those who understand no explanation is needed, …..For those who don’t none will ever do.

It’s so hauntingly beautiful. Kind of like Vermillion Pt.2

*kicks tumbleweed*

Only bots visit the narcissistic drama queen. How ironic.