perspective
I understand now. There’s always that moment of clarity when I’m like, “Wow. I get it.” And I think I get it now.
When I first started my journey into unknown territory after the divorce, I was completely fearless. That is my basic nature. Then I turned 40 a year ago and suddenly I was afraid of everything. Not really everything. But the fear crept back in. I had forgotten how to live in the moment. I had forgotten that you can never go back. I had forgotten that the only reason the past exists is to learn from it. I had forgoten how sometimes I stand in my own way.
Starting my life over at mid-age when most people have their lives established was scary. I’ve come a long way since the beginning of this journey. And I think with my most recent girl-like outburst I’m finally letting go of the past and how I think things should be and more accepting of how things are instead.
I forget what a free spirit I really am and get sucked into thinking I have to be a certain way. It’s the “married me”. I fucking hate her and I think after last night, I’ve finally let her go.
I’m ready to experience life again the way it should be experienced. Head on.
It is what it is.
February 2nd, 2010 at 8:22 pm
“experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want”…….I know all about it.